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JCSM Shareware Collection 1996 September
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JCSM Shareware Collection (JCS Distribution) (September 1996).ISO
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kbyte253.zip
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beef
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1995-03-20
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BEEF Copywright (c) 1995 by GunSmoke, proliferate freely
It bothers me that some of my friends in the groundskeeping crew have been sold
off to a miserable existence crammed into a feedlot like Manhattanites in a
subway car.
My yahoo can't possibly eat enuf beef to keep the population explosion of
bovines under control. You can help.
We can sell you beef certified to contain nothing but mother's milk, grasses,
forbs, hay, and Kentucky mountain pond water. And I'll match prices with your
supermarket.
What's wrong? You gotta buy a whole cow. You gotta get it home.
A whole cow weighs anywhere from 300 to 1000 pounds. Fortunately, you need
take only 50% to 65% home, depending on how picky you and your dog are. Your
garden might appreciate the rest.
You can freeze the meat, and transport it wrapped in blankets in the back seat
of your car. That's fine, if you are coming to the area anyway, else you are
out of luck.
The cost to slaughter, hang, cut, wrap, and freeze a beef at the local custom
slaughterhouse is $20 + $0.20 per pound of meat. For more information on the
butchery of innocent calves, call Don Duncan, 606/348-9780, at Raymond Duncan
Slaughter House, Frisby Road, Monticello, KY 42633.
The cost of a bovine on the hoof is between $0.50 and $1.00 per pound,
depending upon size, gender, season, and vagaries of the cattle market. For
more information, consult the livestock market in your newspaper, or call Jack
Ascii, 606/376-3137, CAVE Inc, 1/2 Fast Road, Ritner, KY 42639.
A quick estimate of the price ranges from $350 for 165 pounds ($2.12 per
pound), $600 for 330 pounds ($1.82 per pound), and $750 for 500 pounds ($1.50
per pound). That's a lotta beef!
We have to sell this superior beef by the bovine, due to a conspiracy of fools
between the government regulators and the meatpacking industry. The quality of
your supermarket meat is assured by some government inspector who otherwise
would be looking for another source of gratuities.
(__)
(oo)
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O u t s t a n d i n g i n o u r f i e l d !